When Control Stops Working

There’s a certain comfort that comes with control.

When you’re the one holding the reins, managing the outcomes, and staying ten steps ahead, life can feel predictable. Safe, even. Many high-achieving women know this pattern well. We pride ourselves on being capable, responsible, and able to handle whatever life throws our way.

For a long time, that approach works.

But eventually, life has a way of presenting circumstances that can’t be controlled, fixed, or managed through sheer determination.

And that’s where the real lesson begins. Control may feel safe. But surrender is where freedom lives.

Surrender is one of those words that people often misunderstand. It doesn’t mean giving up or becoming passive. It means loosening the grip we have on the illusion that everything depends on us. It’s the willingness to release the need to control the outcome and trust that something greater is at work.

When we surrender, we stop trying to orchestrate every detail of our lives and instead begin to trust the unfolding of them.

That shift can be incredibly freeing.

Because the truth is, we were never meant to carry everything on our own shoulders.

This idea came to life in a powerful way in this week’s episode of the WTF Podcast during my conversation with Jackie Cote. Jackie spent most of her life identifying as what she calls the “I’ve got it girl”—the person who handles everything, solves every problem, and rarely asks for help.

From childhood, she learned how to rely on herself and take care of what needed to be done. That independence shaped who she became as a woman, a leader, and a business owner.

But a season of caregiving changed everything.

When Jackie’s father began experiencing dementia and her stepmother’s health declined, she stepped away from her business and traveled across the country to help care for them. Suddenly she found herself facing situations that couldn’t be solved with strategy, effort, or determination.

There were moments that simply could not be controlled.

And in those moments, Jackie discovered something profound.

When she finally loosened her grip, she began to experience a deeper level of trust, connection, and support than she had ever allowed herself to receive before.

The surrender she resisted for so long became the very thing that set her free.

Her story is a powerful reminder that while control may give us the illusion of safety, surrender can open the door to something far greater: peace, trust, and the freedom that comes from knowing we don’t have to figure it all out alone.

If this idea resonates with you, I invite you to listen to this week’s episode of the WTF Podcast. Jackie’s story is a beautiful and inspiring example of what can happen when life invites us to loosen our grip and trust the unfolding.

Sometimes the most powerful step forward… is letting go.